CHAPTER TWO
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2. Fear God; show it in desire, refraining and doing; keep the inward watch, keep a clear soul and
a light heart. Mind an inward sense upon doing any thing. When you read the Scripture, remark
the notablest places, as your spirits are most touched and affected, in a common-place book, with
that sense or opening which you receive; for they come not by study or in the will of man, no
more than the Scripture did; and they may be lost by carelessness and overgrowing thoughts, and
businesses of this life; so in perusing any other good or profitable book, yet rather meditate than
read much. For the spirit of a man knows the things of a man, and with that spirit, by observation
of the tempers and, actions of men you see in the world, and looking into your own spirits, and
meditating thereupon, you will have a deep and strong judgment of men and things. For from
what may be, what should be, and what is most probable or likely to be, you can hardly miss in
your judgment of human affairs; and you have a better spirit than your own in reserve for a time
of need, to pass the final judgment in important matters.
3. In conversation, mark well what others say or do, and hide your own mind, at least till last, and
then open it as sparingly as the matter will let you. A just observance and reflection upon men and
things give wisdom; those are the great books of learning seldom read. The laborious bee draws
honey from every flower. Be always on your watch, but chiefly in company; then be sure to leave
your wits about you, and your armor on; speak last and little, but to the point; interrupt none;
anticipate none. Read Prov.10: 8, 13. Be quick to hear, slow to speak: (Prov. 17: 27). It gives
time to understand and ripens an answer. Affect not words, but matter, and chiefly to be pertinent
and plain. ruest eloquence is plainest, and brief speaking (I mean brevity and clearness to
make yourselves easily understood by verybody, and in as few words as the matter will admit of)
is the best.
4. Prefer the aged, the virtuous, and the knowing, and choose those that excel for your company
and friendship, but despise not others.
5. Return no answer to anger, unless with much meekness, which often turns it away; but rarely
make replies, less rejoinders, For that adds fuel to the fire. It is a wrong time to vindicate
yourselves, - the true ear being then never open to hear it. Men are not themselves, and know not
well what spirits they are of. Silence to passion, prejudice, and mockery, is the best an answer,
and often conquers what resistance inflames.
6. Learn and teach your children fair writing, and the most useful parts of mathmatics, and some
business when young, whatever else they are taught.
7. Cast up your incomes and live on half - if you can, one-third - reserving the rest for
casuialties, charities, portions.
8. Be plain in clothes, furniture, and food, but clean, and then the coarser the better; the rest is
folly and a snare. Therefore next to sin, avoid daintiness and choiceness about your persons and
houses; for if it be not an evil in itself, it is a temptation to it, and may be accounted a nest for sin
9. Avoid differences what are not avoidable refer, and keep awards strictly and without grudgings.
Read Prov. 18:17, 18, 25: 8; Matt. 5: 38-41; 1 Cor. 1: 10-13. It is good counsel.
10. Be sure to draw your affairs into as narrow a compass as you can, and in method and
proportion, time and other requisites proper for them.
11. Have very few acquaintances, and fewer intimates, but of the best in their kind.
12. Keep your own secrets, and do not covet others; but if trusted, never reveal them unless
mischievous to somebody; nor then, before warning to the party- to desist and repent. Prov. 11:
13, 25: 9, 10.
13. Trust no man with the main chance, and avoid to be trusted.
14. Make few resolutions, but keep them strictly.
15. Prefer elders and strangers on all occasions; be rather last than first in conveniency and
respect, but first in all virtues.
16. Have a care of trusting to after games, For then there is but one throw for all; and precipices
are ill places to build upon. Wisdom gains time, is beforehand, and teaches to choose seasonably
and pertinently; therefore ever strike while the iron is hot. But if you lose an opportunity, it
differs in this from a relapse. Less caution and more resolution and industry must recover it.
17. Above all, remember your Creator; remember yourselves and your families, when you have
them, in the youthful time and forepart of your life; for good methods and habits obtained then
will make you easy and happy the rest of your day's. Every estate has its snare: Youth, and middle
age, pleasure and ambition; old age, avarice; remember, I tell you, that man is a slave where
either prevails. Beware of the pernicious, lusts of the eye, and the flesh, and the pride of life (1
John 2:15, 16, 17), which are not of the Father, but of the world. Get higher and nobler objects
for your immortal part, oh, my dear children! and be not tied to things without you; for then you
can never have the true and free enjoyment of yourselves to better things; no more than a slave in
Algiers has of his house or family in London. Be free; live at home in yourselves, I mean where lie
greater treasures hid than in the Indies. The pomp, honor, and luxury of the world are the cheats,
and the unthinking and inconsiderate are taken by them. But the retired man is upon higher
ground, he sees and is aware of the trick, condemns the folly, and bemoans the deluded.
18. Choose God's trades before men's; Adam was a gardener, Cain a ploughman, and Abel a
grazier or shepherd. These began with the world, and have least of snare, and most of use. When
Cain became murderer, as a witty man said, {Cowley, in his works on Agriculture} he turned a
builder of cities, and quitted his husbandry. Mechanics, as handicrafts, are also commendable, but
they are but a second brood, and younger brothers. If grace employ you not, let nature and useful
arts; but avoid curiosity there also, for it devours much time to no profit. I have seen a ceiling of a
room that cost half as much as the house: a folly and a sin, too.
19. Have but few books, but let them be well chosen and well read, whether of religious or civil
subjects. Shun fantastic opinions; measure both religion and learning by practice; reduce all to
that, for that brings a real benefit to you; the rest is a thief and a snare. And indeed, reading many
books is but a taking off the mind too much from meditation. Reading yourselves and nature, in
the dealings and conduct of men, is the truest human wisdom. The spirit of a man knows the
things of man, and more true knowledge comes by meditation and just reflection than by reading;
for much reading is an oppression of the mind, and extinguishes the natural candle, which is the
reason of so many senseless scholars in the world.
20. Do not that which you blame in another. Do not that to another which you would not another
should do to you; but above all, do not that in God's sight you would not man should see you do.
21. And that you may order all things profitably, divide your day: such a share of time for your
retirement and worship of God; such a proportion for your business, in which remember to ply
that first which is first to be done; so much time for yourselves, be it for study walking, visit, etc.;
in this, be first, and let your friends know it, and you will cut off many impertinences and
interruptions, and save a treasure of time to yourselves, which people most unaccountably lavish
away. And to be more exact (for much lies in this); keep a short journal of your time, though a
day require but a line; many advantages flow from it.
22. Keep close to the meetings of God's people; wait diligently at them, to feel the heavenly life in
your hearts. Look for that more than words in ministry and you will profit most. Above all, look
to the Lord, but despise not instruments, man or woman, young or old, rich or poor, learned or
unlearned.
23. Avoid discontented persons, unless to inform or reprove them. Abhor detraction, the sin of
fallen angels and the worst of fallen men.
24. Excuse faults in others, own them in yourselves, and forgive them against you yourselves, as
you would have your heavenly Father and Judge forgive you. Read Prov. 17: 9, and Matt.
6:14,15. Christ returns and dwells upon that passage of his prayer above all the rest forgiveness
the hardest lesson to man, that of all other creatures most needs it.
25. Be natural; love one another; and remember, that to be void of natural affection is a mark of
apostasy set by the Apostle. 2 Tim.3:3. Let not time, I charge you, wear out nature; it may
kindred, according to custom, but it is an ill one, therefore follow it not. It is a great fault in
families at this day; have a care of it, and shun that unnatural carelessness. Live as near as you
can, visit often, correspond oftener, and communicate with kind hearts to one another, in
proportion to what the Lord gives you; and do not be close, nor hoard up from one another, as if
you had no right or claim in one another, and did not descend of one most tender father and
mother.
26. What I write is to yours, as well as you; if God gives you children, and in case a prodigal
should ever appear among them, make not his folly an excuse to be strange or close, and so to
expose such an one to more evil; but show bowels, as John did {Eubeb. Ecc. Hist. Lib., 3. Cap.
xxiii,} to the young man that fell into ill company, whom with love he reclaimed, after his
example that sends his sun and rain upon all.
27. Love silence, even in the mind; for thoughts are to that, as words to the body, troublesome;
much speaking, as much thinking, spends; and in many thoughts, as well as words, there is sin,
True silence is the rest of the mind, and is to the spirit what sleep is to the body, nourishment and
refreshment, It is a great virtue; it covers folly, keeps secrets, avoids disputes, and prevents sin.
See Job 13: 5; Prov. 10: 19;12:13;8:3; 17: 28; 18: 6, 7.
28. The wisdom of nations lies in their Proverbs, which are brief and pithy; collect and learn them,
they are notable measures and directions for human life; you have much in little; they save time in
speaking, and upon occasion may be the fullest and safest answers.
29. Never meddle with other folks' business, and less with the public, unless called to the one by
the parties concerned, in which move cautiously and uprightly, and required to the other by the
Lord in a testimony for his name and truth, remembering that old, but most true and excellent
proverb: Bene qui latuit, bene vixit. He lives happily that lives hiddenly or privately, for he lives
quietly. It is a treasure to them that have it; study it, get it, keep it too many miss it that might
have it; the world knows not the value of it; it doubles man's life by giving him twice the time to
himself that a large acquaintance or much business will allow him.
30. Have a care of resentment, or taking things amiss, a natural ready, and most dangerous
passion; but be apter to remit than resent, it is more Christian and wise. For as softness often
conquers, where rough opposition fortifies, so resentment, seldom knowing any bounds, makes
many times greater faults than it finds; for some people have out-resented their wrong so far that
they made themselves faultier by it, by which they cancel the debt through a boundless passion,
overthrow their interest and advantage, and become debtor to the offender.
31. Rejoice not at the calamity of any, thou Oh they be your enemies.(Prov. 17: 5; 24:17)
32. Envy none; it is God that maketh rich and poor, great and small, high and low (Psalm 37:1 ;
Prov. 3: 31 ; 23:17 ; 24: 1; 1 Chron. 22:11, 12; Ps 107: 4O, 41).
33. Be intreatable. Never aggravate. Never revile or give ill names; it is unmannerly as well as
unchristian. Remember Matt. 5: 22, where it is said: He that calls his brother fool, is in danger of
hell fire.
34. Be not morose or conceited: One is rude, the other troublesome and nauseous.
35. Avoid questions and strife: It shows a busy and contentious disposition.
36. Add no credit to a report upon conjecture, nor report to the hurt of any. See Exod. 23: 1 ;
Psalm 15: 3.
37. Beware of jealousy, except it be godly, for it devours love and friendship; it breaks fellowship
and destroys the peace of the mind. It is a groundless and evil surmise.
38. Be not too credulous. Read Prov. 14:14. Caution is a medium; I recommend it.
39. Speak not of religion, neither use the name of God in a familiar manner.
40. Meddle not with government; seldom speak of it; let others say or do as they please, but read
such books of law as relate to the office of a justice, a coroner, sheriff, and constable; also the
"Doctor and Student;" some book of clerkship, and a treatise of wills, to enable you about your
own private business only, or a poor neighbors. For it is a charge I leave with you and yours,
meddle not with the public, neither business nor money; but understand how to avoid it, and
defend yourselves, upon occasion, against it. For much knowledge brings sorrow, and much
doings more. Therefore know God, know yourselves; love home, know your own business and
mind it, and you have more time and peace than your neighbors.
41. If you incline to marry, then marry your inclination rather than your interest; I mean what you
love, rather than what is rich. But love for virtue, temper, education, and person, before wealth or
- quality, and be sure you are beloved again. In all which, be not hasty, but serious; lay it before
the Lord, proceed in his fear, and be you well advised. And when married, according to the way
of God's people, used amongst Friends, out of whom only choose, strictly keep covenant; avoid
occasion of misunderstanding, allow for weaknesses, and variety of constitution and disposition,
and take care of showing the least disgust or misunderstanding standing to others, especially your
children. Never lie down with any displeasure in your minds, but avoid occasion of dispute and
offence; overlook and cover failings. Seek the Lord for one another; wait upon him together,
morning and evening, in His holy fear, which will renew and confirm your love and covenant; give
way to nothing that would in the least violate it; use all means of true endearment, that you may
recommend and please one another; remembering your relation and union is the figure of Christ to
his church; therefore, let the authority of love only bear sway your whole life.
42. If God give you children love them with wisdom, correct them with affection; never strike in
passion, and suit the correction to their age as well as fault. Convince them of their error before
you chastise them, and try them; if they show remorse before severity, never use that but in case
of obstinacy or impenitently. Punish them more by their understandings than the rod, and show
them the folly, shame and undutifulness of their faults rather with a grieved than an angry
countenance, and you will sooner affect their natures, and with a nobler sense, than a servile and
rude chastisement can produce. I know the methods of some are severe corrections for faults, and
artificial praises when they do well, and sometimes rewards: but this course awakens passions
worse than their faults; for one begets base fear, if not hatred; the other pride and vain glory, both
which should be avoided in a religious education of youth, for they equally vary from it and
deprave nature. There should be the greatest care imaginable, what impressions are given to
children; that method which earliest awakens their understandings to love, duty, sobriety, just and
honourable things, is to be preferred. Education is the stamp parents give their children; they pass
for that they breed them, or less value perhaps, all their days. The world is in nothing more
wanting and reprovable, both in precept and example; they do with their children as with their
souls, put them out at livery for so much a year. They will trust their estates or shops with none
but themselves, but for their souls and posterity they have less solicitude. But do you breed your
children yourselves, I mean as to their morals, and be their bishops and teachers in the principles
of conversation: as they are instructed, so they are likely to be qualified, and your posterity by
their precepts and examples which they receive from yours. And were mankind herein more
cautious they would better discharge their duty to God and posterity; and their children would
owe them more for their education than for their inheritances. Be not unequal in your love to your
children, at least in the appearances of it: it is both unjust and indiscreet: it lessens love to parents,
and provokes envy amongst children. Let them wear the same clothes, eat of the same dish, have
the same allowance as to time and expense. Breed them to some employment, and give all equal
but the eldest: and to the eldest a double portion is very well. Teach them also frugality, and they
will not want substance for their posterity. A little beginning with industry and thrift will make an
estate; but there is great difference between saving and sordid. Be not scanty any more than
superfluous; but rather make bold with yourselves, than be straight to others; therefore let your
charity temper your frugality and theirs.
What I have written to you, I have written to your children, and theirs.
43. Servants you will have, but remember, the fewer the better, and those rather aged than young;
you must make them such, or dispose of them often. Change is not good, therefore choose well,
and the rather because of your children; for children, thinking they can take more liberty with
servants than with their parents, often choose the servants' company, and if they are idle, wanton,
ill examples, children are in great danger of being perverted. Let them therefore be Friends, and
such as are well recommended: let them know their business as well as their wages; and as they
do the one, pay them honestly the other. Though servants, yet remember they are brethren in
Christ, and that you also are but stewards and must account to God. Wherefore let your
moderation appear unto them, and that will provoke them to diligence for love rather than fear,
which is the truest and best motive to service. In short, as you find them, so keep, use and reward
them, or dismiss them.
44. Distrust is of the nature of jealousy, and must be warily entertained upon good grounds, or it
is injurious to others, and instead of safe, troublesome to you. If you trust little, you will have but
little cause to distrust. Yet I have often been whispered in my self of persons and things at first
sight and motion, that hardly ever failed to be true; though by neglecting the sense, or suffering
myself to be argued or importuned from it, I have more than once failed of my expectation. Have
therefore a most tender and nice regard to those first sudden and unpremeditated sensations.
45. For your conduct in your business and in the whole course of your life, though what I have said to you, and recommend you to, might be sufficient; yet I will be more particular as to those good and gracious qualifications, I pray God Almighty to season and accomplish you with, to his glory and your temporal and eternal felicity.